He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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