remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
