Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
