Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
