Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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