dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
