Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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