i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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