I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
