i think i have herpe
just one?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
