Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize