3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
