You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
