It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
