Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
