the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
