I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
