Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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