I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
