Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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