Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
