She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
