3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
