If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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