Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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