South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
