I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm at about main and main street
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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