She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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