if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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