PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
