good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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