I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
