What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
