where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
