no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
