just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
