She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Houston, we have a squirter
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
