Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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