My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize