It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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