No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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