oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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