about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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