Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
