apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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