Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
