it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize