He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize