watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
