I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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