You're my little dorito
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
