FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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