He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
