You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
