That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Say something about gay babies.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
