That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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