I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
