people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
