I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
