My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize