We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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