So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
handjob tips. give me some.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
