Betty ford says i'm here all night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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