How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
