Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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