Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We are two peas in an std pod
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
