Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
