i jhust puked up my retainher.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
