I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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