Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
