I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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