i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
