You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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