I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
