Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize