so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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