my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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