really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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