I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
