I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
