Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
